Chapter 82

On Friday after work, four friends had their Christmas. Since the game was in New Jersey, they gathered at Sheril's house for dinner and to watch the game. When Karen opened one of her presents she couldn't help but laugh at what it said. She knew it had to have been from Sheril, who just gave her a knowing look.

"Apparently you found this appropriate?"

"Well it's true isn't it?"

Karen started laughing again "yeah it is." She showed the others the shirt and everyone started laughing.

The game started and they sat around eating and watching the game. Natalie had noticed something and nonchalantly got Diane and Sheril to notice too. They all waited until the first intermission to say something.

"So, is there something you would like to share with us Karen?" Natalie asked.

"Not really."

"You want to tell us how your Christmas with Sid went?" Diane chimed in.

"I told you about it at work today. Nothing's changed, so what's going on?"

"Why don't you tell us, the soon-to-be Mrs. Crosby?" Sheril said pointing to her hand.

Karen looked down and realized she had on the ring Sidney gave her. She had put it on this morning before she left the house and kind of forgot about it during the day. "Um, it doesn't mean what you guys think it means" she said smiling at it.

"That's a bunch of bullshit Kiki and you know it. Sidney brings you to his home during Christmas and knowing how in love with you he is, you're going to sit there and tell us that he didn't propose when the evidence is right there on your left hand and on the right finger" Sheril protested.

Karen wondered how she was going to explain this to where they would understand "he didn't propose, alright? When he gave me the ring the words 'will you marry me' did not accompany it. He knows my feelings about marriage and not sure if I ever want to get married. Sid is only 21, you're going to sit there and think he's actually ready to get married when he's only 4 years into his hockey career? He gave me this ring to show his committment to me. If one day he's ready to get married and its to me, I already have the ring and I'll just need the question."

"What do you mean if it's to you? You don't see you guys together in the long run?" Natalie asked concerned.

"I might, I just don't know if he does" Karen said staring at the ring and playing with it.

"This is crazy, Sid loves you. He is insanely in love with you, how can you deny that?"

"I don't deny it, but I'm not stupid either."

"What do you mean?"

Karen looked at the tv and saw the second period starting. She saw the shot of Sidney skating to take the face off "just that love doesn't last for everyone and one day it might not be me to fall out of it. That's all I'm saying."

The girls settled in to watch the second period but each wondered what Karen meant. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows before turning their attention to the tv. When the game was over, the Pens had won the game and the girls were happy to see it. Karen told the girls goodnight because she was going home to Pittsburgh and that she would see them tomorrow for the game at the arena.

"Hey Kiki, mind if I head up with you now? Maybe I could get some time with Max before the game tomorrow if I'm already up there."

"Sure. Do we need to go get your clothes?" Karen said smiling.

"No, I have my bags in my car. I was just going to follow you up and have my car there incase I head over to his house."

"Ok. I'll meet you up there then." They each got in their cars and started the trek up to Pittsburgh.

About a half hour later, they reached Karen's house and went in. Karen wasn't tired yet so after she got changed for bed, she went downstairs and started a fired sitting in front of it.

"Can't sleep?" Natalie said walking into the room.

"No, not tired yet. What about you?"

"I guess I got some nerves keeping me up."

"What has you so nervous?"

"Max took me home for Christmas and it was nice but when he left for Jersey and I came back here I just get the feeling when I see him tomorrow, things are going to be different."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure what impression I left with his parents."

"I wouldn't worry to much about it Nat. Besides, you may get another chance."

"What do you mean?"

"The team is having their annual dad's trip coming up so after the 1st, the families might be back before then. I at least had a better experience this time. Sid's parents were actually nice to me."

"Well thats good. Gives me hope at least. So, what did you mean down at Sheril's with all that falling out of love stuff? Do you think Sidney might not be in this relationship as long as you want him to be?"

"I love him Nat, I really do. You could even say I'm more in love with him then when I was with Rick, but I don't know I just think he'll one day wake up and see someone around his age that he'd rather be with. That's why I don't deny he does love me and him giving me this ring does prove that, but like I said, I'm not stupid either when I know there's someone out there that could take him from me."

"Just because there is someone out there that could take him from you, doesn't necessarily mean he'd go with them. I've seen the way all those other girls look at him and he doesn't look at them the way he looks at you. You just can't see it because the love you have for him clouds it. No other guy would buy a ring that size, let you wear it on that finger if it only meant a committment. Concern yourself with what's going on now with him, not what might happen."

"When did you become the almighty love goddess?" Karen smiled.

"I guess when I finally found love too."

"I'm scared now that Max has instilled this upon you. I may need to deprogram you after you spend time with him."

"Well do what you need to" Natalie said getting up "but it's not going to work. I have the knowledge now and prepared to use it. Night Kiki" she said walking out of the room.

"Night Nat." Karen continued to sit staring into the fire to let what Natalie said soak in. She didn't want to believe Sidney would leave her for someone else, but she didn't believe how things ended with Rick would happen either. Karen wiped a stray tear that fell and put her head on the couch waiting until she was tired enough to go to bed.

Time went by and Karen was still on the couch. She thought she heard a car but just played it off until the door opened and then shut. Karen looked up and saw Sidney standing in the hallway, the light of the fire showing him there.

"Baby? What are you still doing up?"

"I wasn't tired when I got home tonight and I guess I lost track of time just sitting here by the fire."

Sidney came over and sat beside her, pulling her close to him "everything ok?"

Karen wanted to say something but she didn't "yeah, it's just late and I guess I'm finally getting tired."

"So then you weren't waiting up for me?" Sidney said pretending to be hurt.

"In a way I was but I didn't know if you would be coming home tonight. I thought you'd be staying at Mario's."

"Well my family won't be down until after the 2nd so I figured until then, I'm where I need to be."

Karen sat up "you are talking about here with me right?" she said smiling at him.

"Considering I have no where else to go except back to Mario's" he said bringing her hand up to kiss it.

"Keep doing that and I may never let you leave."

Sidney kissed his way from her wrist to her shoulder. He reached her neck and Karen turned her head into him, getting the most of the sensations he was producing in her. Sidney pulled back and looked at her "don't take this the wrong way, but I think we need to go to bed since tomorrow I do have a game."

"Do you think I'm going to get mad if you or I start something and then you stop it?"

"Not really, I just don't want you to think I don't want to after I start something."

"Sid, I believe there's more to our relationship then just sex. Up until that statement, I'm beginning to wonder if you feel the same here."

"I do feel the same baby, but usually when we start something we always continue on. This is the first time I've stopped us and I wasn't sure how you would react."

Karen got up and put the fire out "its fine" then walked out of the dark room "I'm going to bed."

Sidney sat there for a few minutes and then headed up himself. He saw she was already in bed and went into the bathroom. Sidney came out a few minutes later and crawled into bed, spooning up behind her "I'm sorry baby" he whispered to her.

"I'm sorry too" she said pulling his hand around her body, holding on to it.

6 hours later, the alarm rang and Karen felt the bed shift as Sidney turned it off. She rolled over and saw him sitting up staring at her.

"What was with last night?"

"It would've been better if you had just stopped, said you were tired and we came to bed instead of making me feel unworthy. I know that every time we start something, it's not always going to lead to us having sex Sid but the way you worded it, made it seem that way."

"I know we're more than just sex Karen and I am sorry for making you feel that way. I just didn't want you to feel like I didn't want you or that I will never want you. I get the feeling there's more to it then what just happened last night, somehthing deeper."

"Maybe when you told me that you felt it would be easier to stay at Mario's did hit a nerve after thinking about it. Maybe I thought you would tell them and they could've stayed here since there's plenty of room. Maybe it's a step towards them realizing this is right for you, that I'm right for you. Maybe keeping your life with me a secret from your parents is telling you I'm not the right one for you." Karen got out of bed and went downstairs. She knew Sidney would be getting ready to head to the arena and she didn't want to continue distracting him before the morning skate. Sidney got up and headed into the bathroom, starting up the shower. He got under the water and wondered what was going on, better yet how to fix it.

After Sidney got ready, he headed downstairs and found Karen in the kitchen with a cup of coffee sitting at the table. He knelt down and looked at her.

"Listen, when I get home after a couple hours, we need to talk so I know what's really going on with you and us. I love you and I don't want out of this relationship with you...not now, not ever." Sidney leaned up and kissed her, happy she kissed him back "I'll see you in a couple of hours ok?"

"Ok."

Sidney kissed her again and then left. A minute later Natalie came out of the guest room.

"What was that about?"

"Just a little misunderstanding on my part."

"Did what Sheril, Diane, and I said to you spark something?"

"It sparked something what Sidney said over Christmas but it holds true about what I said to you. If his family comes down to visit after the New Year, he was going to stay with Mario so they wouldn't find out he's living here. I guess I got carried away with it with all we talked about. I told him maybe I wasn't right for him if he can't let his parents see we're right together." Karen let the tears start to fall as she began to cry "if he wanted a way out, I think I just gave it to him."

Natalie walked over to her and hugged her "from what I just heard, I don't think he wants a way out. But Kiki, I think you just gave him the idea that you do."

"Oh god, I did didn't I? How am I going to fix this?"

"Plead total insanity" Natalie said that got a smile out of her "we all know all your personalities can clash at times, it's time Sid knows it. We'll tell him that you weren't being you, you were being Luwanda...the Queen of Insecurities."

"I don't ever recall a Luwanda" she said wiping her eyes and laughing.

"See, its a new one. Perfect cover for last night and this morning. Don't worry, it'll be fine. Go take a shower and think about what you're going to say to him to make this right. You know he doesn't belong with anyone other than you. He'll understand when you tell him, I promise."

"I hope so. Thanks Nat" she said hugging her friend.

Karen went upstairs and looked on the bed. She saw a piece of paper on the pillow and she smiled when she picked it up to read it. It was simple and to the point 'I love you!!!' Karen put the note on the bed and went to get her shower.